An Little Update

I'm really missing not posting each day.
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A little story

I'm going to tell you a little story! It started almost thirty years ago... I popped into the world... ;-) todays post is going to be quite personal, so be warned! 

That's me in the gorgeous floral dress! 

If you've read my previous posts you will know that 1, I'm moving in with my lovely boyfriend and 2, I have the odd down day. Well I'm not sure where to start but I'm feeling down again but its not because I'm sad, or have any issues myself, it's because my mum is not being very supportive over my move! I'm sure some of you will be thinking grow up girl your nearly thirty but my story is not black and white, there is a lot of grey in there!

I lost my dad when I was younger and kind of became my mums support network, helping with younger siblings, doing the weekly shop, making dinner, cooking and cleaning.. All the things a child of nine years old and a little older really shouldn't have been doing! I don't want you to think I'm telling you my sob story, I'm not! I'm just telling you the story of me! I don't regret helping out, and I wouldn't change it but I don't know how to break away without feeling guilty?!?!?! 
When I was twenty three I decided that it was time to go and grab myself a life of my own.. I found some new friends, went to pubs and clubs did all those young person things and loved it all.. This of course did not go down well with mum! We have never really been the same since.. The tears I've shed over this is unreal!! She always asks me where my prioritise are? Do I even care about her anymore? Can she have some more help? Can she borrow money?

Aaww the money issue! This is where all problems arise from now.. I hate money!!!

Around the same time I got my life in order I also got more serious about my career and I'm so proud of what I've achieved! I'm an assistant manager and have worked damn hard to get where I am today!! I love my life! I love my gorgeous boyfriend! I love my job! I love my mum! But all she does is bring me down... Nothing is ever good enough... Nothing is ever done how it should have been... I never give her enough money... I'm never around enough... I'm around too much... The lists are endless!! 

At the moment I haven't spoken to my mum properly since I told her the move in date and that I will not be able to give her any money before or after I move out... This was almost five days ago.. I'm so hurt but does she care?? Of course she does somewhere deep down inside (I'm hoping), but right now I'm dirt to her!! She told me today(Sunday) that I need everything out of the house on the day I pick the keys up... 

Where is the mother I always hope is there for me?!? When will she see how much pain she causes me?? Or is she just too lost in her own self pitty!! 

Will she ever remember I lost my dad too!!!!! 

Thanks Guys
Love Hayley

p.s I won't be posting for the next few weeks while I get all the packing and moving done.. Hope you all have a lovely few weeks weeks and I'll be back soon!! 

pp.s sorry for the rant!!

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